Once again this year, I am choosing not only to write out tangible goals using the goal worksheet found at Money Saving Mom, but also to choose a word to help guide me in my thoughts and actions for the year.
Last year, my word was focus. For at least the first part of the year, I did well with my word. Then, about midway through last year I started feeling not quite like myself. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I started to have what felt like more bad days than good. Then, I would sort of snap out of it, and feel like myself again. But within a few weeks I would start to feel like something was off again.
You may or may not know that I have struggled with depression on and off in my life since I was in high school. I have had two major clinical depressions. Once in high school and once at the end of my college career. The first one was definitely triggered by unresolved issues/guilt/sadness/emotions surrounding my mother’s death. (If you are new here, my mom passed away from breast cancer when I was only 8 years old.)
I am not exactly sure what triggered the one in college. I think it could have been the stress of trying to obtain two degrees, being burnt out and not really knowing what in the world I wanted to do with my life that all culminated in a lot of negative self talk. I went through cognitive behavioral therapy and it helped me beautifully.
The few other times I have struggled with mild depression since college, I have been able to pull myself out of it by using the techniques I learned from counseling. This time I thought I was going to be able to do the same, but I just couldn’t pull out of it on my own. Needless to say, it was a tough second half of the year on not just me, but my husband and kids as well.
For those of you that are mothers, you know often we are the glue that holds the family together. When mommy goes down, everyone does. It is my job to be a stay at home mom and wife. I could not live up to my duties that I had normally enjoyed (or at least tolerated) doing. The more I didn’t do what I should have been doing, the more I felt guilty and depressed. This led me to do even less of what I loved or needed to do, and the cycle just continued to get worse.
For the moment (which is really all I can focus on at this time), I am feeling a little better and more optimistic. But, I also know it will not take much for me to get to that bad place again. I am focusing on the things that make me happy and myself, for once. I am working on trying to nurture my marriage, and I am working hard on being there for my kids. I want them to remember a happy mom. Not one the one that they had this last year.
So, my word for this year is happy. The definition of happy is:
hap·py adjective \ˈha-pē\
: feeling pleasure and enjoyment because of your life, situation, etc.
: showing or causing feelings of pleasure and enjoyment
: pleased or glad about a particular situation, event, etc.
I need a little (okay, a lot) of this in my life this year. I desperately want to be the giver and receiver of happy.
What will this look like for the blog? Hopefully a lot more crafting. Because you know one thing that normally makes me very happy – making things, creating.
I hope to be a lot more organized and scheduled. I don’t think I will have a specific posting schedule or timeline at this time. My season of life is that I have a 3 (almost 4) year old home with me 24/7. Life is unpredictable. But knowing the blog is sitting here with no posts causes me stress.
I will be posting a lot more about organizing, scheduling and creating routines. I think most of us thrive on these things. Knowing what you have to do, when it needs to be done and where to find your stuff brings so much peace. So even if you are a fly by the seat of your pants (rather than the type-A, somewhat OCD, hates change like me) kind of person, you will hopefully get something helpful from this type of post. Especially right now, I need to have lists and feeling like I am checking things off and getting them done.
And I hope to be more intentional with my time. I am still working on this one, but I plan to be more selective in my commitments both here on this blog and the other places around the web that I contribute.
I wish you all a blessed, healthy, and happy new year! Here is to 2014!
Do you choose a word for the year to focus on?